Prompt: There was a lot of green
by Agnomen Loki
Summary: "We have to get out of here," He said and grabbed Pepper by the wrist. Pepper moaned looking mournfully after her coffee which she was being dragged away from. "What's wrong Stark?" Steve bounced up, immediately his hackles raised and jaw set thickly. "Trouble cap, the worst kind," Tony said. NO SLASH/TEAM-CENTRIC/JUST FOR FUN! A LOT OF TONY SWEARING!


_**Saw this prompt and thought: I need to do it. Prepare yourselves for the worst characterisation humanly possible. I will try though I suppose it will only end way... the mutilation of a grand franchise that is... all part of my evil plans. Muhahahaha!**_

_**As remains,**_

_**Loki.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or any condescending characters, OC's always belong to my muse and RDJ will one day be mine... one day. **_

_**Prompt at bottom. **_

"Son of a bitch, Son of a bitch, Son of a bitch-"

Pepper looked up from her Starkpad. Steve too pulled his line of sight away from the newspaper he had been reading. It lay grossly on the marble table. Apparently Steve was too cool to use Starkpads even just to do something so mediocre such as reading about the news. Tony thought it was an inconvenience but Pepper obligingly subscribed for the newspaper for him. Traitor.

Though Tony had other things to worry about. Something chaotic had occurred and he only had himself to blame.

He shot across the community room,"Son of a bitch, Son of a bitch, Son of a bitch-" he uttered like a nervous rabbit.  
"We have to get out of here," He said and grabbed Pepper by the wrist.

Pepper moaned looking mournfully after her coffee which she was being dragged away from.

"What's wrong Stark," Steve bounced up, immediately his hackles raised and jaw set thickly.  
"Trouble cap, the worst kind," Tony said pausing before hiding behind Pepper, looking around suspiciously.

"What now Tony?" Pepper huffed in exasperation.

"It's terrible Pepper, you need to leave! It's too dangerous... No it's not you who he wants. It's me. The bastard's after me Pepper. Christ!" He panicked and flung himself over to Steve, "Don't let him get me cap. I know we had a rough start but I'm begging you!"

Pepper rolled her eyes and the melodramatic drama and went to finish her coffee, Steve never noticed. He looked flustered, determination set deep on his face.

"You're part of the team Tony. All the past is behind us. I'd lay on the wire for another team-mate you know that," Steve assured and shook his head, "Whose after you Tony, what does he want from you?"

"He wants my pride cap, I bet he's in the vents right now, laughing at me."

"Vents?"

"Do you hear me Robin hood? You won't get me! Steve's on my side!"

"Tony..." Steve growled now irritated.

"JARVIS! Where is he!?"  
"I swear, I don't deserve this," Steve remarked, rubbing his temple.  
"Agent Barton is in the air vents, sir," Jarvis replied dutifully, "making his way towards the communal area."

"I fucking knew it!" Tony hissed and dived dramatically across the room towards the draws.

"Come close cap, I'll fill you in!"

"I'm going to work," Pepper suddenly said before Tony could even begin to pry those god-damned things from the kitchen draw.  
Steve gave her a condescending look, _please take me with you._

She smiled, it was almost sinister and disappeared.

"Okay, I'd been working on Paintballer mark IV, I woke up and all I see is green paint stuck in Dummy's nuts and bolts," Tony reported, pouring paint balls into the tube.  
"Where has all this come from?" Steve asked.  
"All you need to do," Tony ignored him ignorantly "-is aim and shoot. I bet those evil boobs are working with him as well."

"You mean Nat?" Steve asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," Tony replied decisively.

"Tony..." Steve reprimanded before he heard a:

_FLUNK! SPLAT!_

"Holy! GET DOWN!" Tony shouted and somehow dragged the super soldier behind the kitchen island.

"Nat, how did you miss that?" Clint asked looking disappointed.  
"It was a warning shot," the black widow said, coming out from behind a tall indoors plant.

"Here's the mission, we need to kick their asses, get some of the extra ammo from upstairs and then kick their asses with the new ammo," Tony hissed into his ear as well as handing him a paint ball gun.

"Tony I'm not being dragged into this," Steve said desperately and instantly stood up.

"Guys, I don't_"

_FLUNK! THWACK!_

Steve crouched back behind the island. Green paint dribbled from the exact centre on his forehead.

"Okay, so we need to get into your lab upstairs?"

"Go on three," Tony insisted and held his end of the paint gun up, "one... two... go!"

"Three?" Steve hissed and charged out after him toward the hallway, both firing mad shots to wear they assumed Clint and Natasha would be.  
Tony heard a squeak, he must have hit Clint, Natasha wasn't that feminine.

"Я дам тебе!"

_Never mind, _Tony thought shrewdly. He heard Steve yell right before they closed the doors to the hall. "Jarvis, lock this door!"

"Of course, sir, I assume this is for your safety?"

"Yes," Tony agreed and looked to Steve who had an additional dozen green spots on him.

Tony however was untouched.

"Ready?" Tony asked seriously and before Steve could answer he was off again. Steve let out a mortified groan. _I'm surrounded by children!_

Tony peered around every single corner on the way, making sure to have Jarvis initiate lock down on all of the vents.

Steve was beginning to think, somehow, that this was a very one-sided tournament that Tony had Started and was wondering whether Natasha was doing it to please Barton or because she wanted to get Stark back.  
It could be both... Though he was feeling, well his newly formed bruises were informing him, that she might not care so much who she got. Barton too. Now it was payback time.

_FLUNK!_

"I'll get you, you cock eyed d_"

"Tony!" Steve said wrestling the narcissistic industrialist to the ground and covering him from the heavy amount of ammunition that had suddenly been ladled into his back and sides.

Green paint dripped from his once clean clothes. Clint and Natasha had seemed to desist.

"Stark where's the extra ammo?" Clint called, crudely.

"GA, Cap, can't. Breathe," Stark wheezed.  
Steve let him up, he looked a bit dizzy.

"As if I'd tell you Birdbox!" He laughed manically, "Get 'im Steve!"

Tony commanded and fired at Clint who ducked with expertise and hopped after Natasha into the air vents. Uttering a rueful, "We'll get you Stark!"

"Quick Capsicle, we keep wasting time!"

Steve groaned inwardly and stumbled after Tony, _what is this going to accomplish exactly?_

They made it into Tony's private lab, somehow... They hadn't seen Clint or Nat which was very disconcerting. Steve hoped vainly that they'd given up and were doing something else.  
Bruce was sitting working at his computer and looked up as Tony entered.

His eyebrows rose when he saw the very green looking Steve, not green in the sick way either...

"You're doing this again?" He asked looking at Tony with a tight expression.

"Well, you said we should test them out," Tony said, "Clint had alread found mark IV before I could do anything."

Steve sent Bruce a confused look.  
"We've been designing new paint ball guns for kids. It's like a war game. Clint got his hands on one of Tony's toys-"

"Re-phrase please Bruce," Tony interjected from the side.

"-and now Tony's called war."

Bruce stretched nonchalantly, "No Tony, I'm not getting involved."

_FLUNK!_

"_Ahhhhh" _Tony yelled, hand over his heart.

Bruc's eyes widened has Tony dramatically collapsed to the ground, "Steve, Steve, Steve," He repeated, tone getting lighter.

Steve crouched by him, worried suddenly, that paintball had directly hit his reactor... what if...?  
"Steve, I'm hit... avenge me!"

He rolled his eyes and cocked the Paintball gun and began aiming it at where Barton had been. "Oh, he missed," Tony suddenly said, sitting up and looking around.

Then it began...

Small red, gold, black, green and purple balls flew across the room. Bruce glowered, "Not in the lab!"

Only to receive a paintball to the face.

"Now you've done it." That was Natasha who managed to slip away. Tony jumped and glanced at Bruce, backing up until he was next to Clint.  
"Bruce buddy?"

Bruce slowly took off his glasses and slowly wiped his face with a near by rag and slowly then wiped the lens of his glasses with that rag and...

_Crack..._

It was lick slow motion. The lens fell. Dropped. tumbled. Cascaded to the floor. Steve stayed where he was, behind the hulk.

Whose angry roar resonated through the whole tower...

"Well. Shit." Tony said and fled up the stairs of the lab. Clint followed but the two fell back in their scramble and landed in a pile at the bottom of the stairs.

They only saw the barrel of paint bounce, opening of all its contents above them before they were both covered in thick green paint.

**First attempt at comedy!... I know... don't quit my day job.**

**Prompt: was to have Paint balling... with green stuff. **

**RATE AND REVIEW! :)**


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